piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
