went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
