end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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