I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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