based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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