I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
