Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
