Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
