omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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