I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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