i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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