Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize