Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
