I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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