just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
