ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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