hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
