standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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