Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
