last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
