Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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