Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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