I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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