i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
