spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
