And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
