girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize