I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize