There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
