My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
