Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is Oprah even human