My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.