You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
