Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
