I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
third nipple confirmed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
