There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
