I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i believe in u and ur pee
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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