I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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