You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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