I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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