My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
