Your tits are I can't wait for
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
