I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
