Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
