Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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