Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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