i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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