Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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