you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Text me some of your sweat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
