before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Randomize
