3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
