OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it was like eating out sand paper
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
