I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
