Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
