Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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