Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
