Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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