And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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