I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
