anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
