what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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