Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
