It's Friday. Sex?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
