yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
