this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
