smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
