Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
