What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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