That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
