so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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