shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
