What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
