There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
