she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
