i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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