Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
