guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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